I was writing toooooooooooooo late last night. Got off the rails and should have went to bed. When I’m happy with that post, I’ll publish it again. This afternoon, I have 3 hours of driving time which might help me sort that out.
Comment Spam
April 15, 2006 By
For the last couple weeks, we’ve been getting a fairly heavy round of comment spam. For the last few days I’e been questioning the general intelligence level of spammers. A while back, I had mentioned it in a post and we went for a few weeks after that post published that we didn’t get any at all. It kinda did in my theory that the spammers didn’t look at the blogs they tried to spam. I’m going to digress into where that, now defunct, theory came from.
Before discovering WordPress, Andrea used to use MT to publish her blog. The amount of spam she was receiving and they way it was handled internally (with the version she had at the time), she decided to try WP as a solution. A year after she had switched, the web server error log sometimes showed that her biggest bandwidth use was spammers were still trying to post comments in her nonexistent MT blog (sending a 404 still uses bandwidth). We contacted the hosting provider and they were glad to adjust the server so it would drop all requests for her site for the MT comment page. Anyway, the point of the diversion is that obviously there were a few spambots out there blindly trying servers on a perpetual basis.
Since I now have the distinct impression that, with WP, spammers may need to visit the site to determine some things before they can send the bot off to do the dirty work, I expected that they might actually check to see if any spam has shown up on any old entries. And, possibly, come to the conclusion, after a while, that some WP installations are a waste of time and resources. And that kinda lead to what I said in the first paragraph.
Tonight, I was catching up on my reading and Christine mentioned that spam had made it through Askimet. Now, it all makes sense (well, as much sense as spam will ever make). Askimet is essentially a service available through WordPress that compares comments to comments received in thousands of other blogs. Once it identifies (or someone tells it) that a comment is spam, it then eliminates similar comments that are posted to any other subscriber’s (free) installation. To make a long story short, if you are using WordPress are are being inundated with comment spam, they are just trying to get by Askimet, without knowing whether you are using it or not.
Carnival of Unschooling #4
April 13, 2006 By
No, it’s not your imagination, we skipped last month. There just wasn’t enough entries. But now we have a pile, so let’s see who we can visit today.
Robin of Robin’s Blue Skies submitted her Two Roads Diverged entry, and it’s a good thing too as reading her blog, I’d have a hard time just picking one entry to highlight. At any rate, this entry examines how there is more than one way for children to learn those basic facts.
Over at Tricotmania, her daughter Tigger writes a guest entry about a experiment they came up with, checking core samples of snow. Thankfully the snow is all gone, but the experience remains.
Doc writes about goal setting verses scheduling, something that unschoolers really can do! It’s not chaos all the time, sometimes it’s controlled chaos. 
We’re a big fan of to-do lists here as well. Sometimes kids need a litte encouraging, or a jumpstart, like examined here at Every Waking Hour. It’s not completely directionless, as these two posts help point out.
In this entry from Jeanne at Why Homeschool, one of the important points I think, is that it shows how she is willing to learn alongside the children, which is really the spirit of unschooling; that love of learning in the whole family.
If you really want to get into some of the meat of unschooling and taking your children seriously, then read Carlotta. Always a good read to get your brain cells working.
Ron had posed two questions here in a previous entry. When posed with the sentence, “Unschooling feels, sounds or appears like a good philosophy to follow, but ________ prevent me (or make me hesitant to) follow through with it.” we got some very interesting responses.
Christina laid it out simply: fear. Fear that when left to their own devices, kids would lay around all day and do nothing. Coincidentally, that same day I read her entry, I read something similar in the book Geurilla Learning on this very topic. The authors pose that the reason we are fearful of this happening is because if left to our own devices, we too would do nothing all day. But sometimes, it’s just what we need, time to recharge. And the mailing list behaviour Christina describes isn’t new to me, but saddening all the same. Like attachment parenting, unschooling isn’t a list of rules you have to follow. How ironic that some people make it so.
WJFR answered both, and in this question wonders how an organized person can unschool. Loads of interesting questions there.
Ron’s second sentence, “Unschooling my child(ren) has enabled me to see ________” brought in some really interesting responses as well.
Joanne at A Day in Our Lives laid it right out, and even changed the “has enabled” to “is enabling”, pointing out that it is a continuing and ongoing process.
Even more from Every Waking Hour, and again a stop at Carlotta’s.
There. Loads of new blogs to read if you aren’t reading them already. Also an important announcement: we’re looking for someone to take over the Carnival of Unschooling – whether independant or merged with one they are already running. If not, this will be the last one. A fun experiment while it lasted. 
Note: The Carnival of Unschooling has move to Unschooling Voices.
Blame it on me
April 12, 2006 By
Andrea tells you of her desparation. I discovered Buckley’s several years ago late one night when I was on about my third night of not being able to sleep due to cold/flu symptoms. Normally, I avoid medication when and where possible. I haven’t taken any form of pain relief medication in more than 12 years. No, I don’t have that written down somewhere. I just remember what I was taking it for. And I remember when that was.
Anyway, I digress. I was absolutely beat. It was getting late. Soon the last local store that was open was going to close. The next closest that would be open was more than 1/2 hour drive away. When I came to the conclusion that I wasn’t going to sleep again that night, I decided I would have to break down and take something. The only cold medicine we had was for children and I didn’t expect that it would do much to help me. So, I headed for that open store. To my dismay, the only adult cold medicine they had was Buckley’s. And I seriously debated that extra 1/2 hour drive. I didn’t think I would stay alert enough. So, I bit the bullet.
After it was too late to change my mind, but before it had made it all the way down, I had the brief thought that I was going to die an excruciating death. Thankfully, the sensations only last a second or so before they start to fade. And, even though it seems like a lot longer, they only last a few seconds. In a minute or 2, I felt better than I had in days. Since then, I don’t think I’ve used anything else for a cold. Probably with half the colds I have, I don’t take anything at all. The rule of thumb I use to decide if I’m using Buckley’s is whether I think I can go to sleep without it or not.
What it took a couple colds for me to figure out is that the initial shock factor actually lasts for a few days. So, if you take it 2 days in a row (or twice in the same day), the second day is alot easier than the first. It’s probably almost a year since I’ve had any. The trick I’ve learned to ease into it after a long period like that is to only take 1/2 tsp or so the first time and then take a regular dose in an hour or so. It substantially reduces the shock factor.
If things go well, I won’t have to find out how accurate my memory is
Coffee
April 12, 2006 By
I couldn’t resist. I had the time tonight. I’ve seen it a few places and I don’t remember where I saw it first:
|
You are a Black Coffee |
 At your best, you are: low maintenance, friendly, and adaptable At your worst, you are: cheap and angsty You drink coffee when: you can get your hands on it Your caffeine addiction level: high |
Comment Answers
April 11, 2006 By
In the comments of previous post, I was asked a number of questions. Andrea had mentioned in her blog earlier in the week that we were dealing with a flu. After getting home from work, I ate and promptly went to bed for over 2 hours. After that, Andrea and i had a chance to catch up on the day and while doing that we took a few minutes to discuss those questions. Andrea responded in her own comment. I think the answers to those questions fit with the who discussion we’ve been having. So, I decided to answer them here in a post. the first question is:
Will you further elaborate on how discipline is handled at your house? – Carrie K.
In a way, this is a difficult question to answer without using extensive examples. However, what I believe is central to our discipline methodology is that we expect (not insist or demand) our kids to be responsible. That doesn’t mean that we expect the same degree wisdom and maturity in a 5 yo that we do in an 18 yo. With the older 3 (13-18), what that translates into is that at those times they have had a moment or 2 of irresponsibility that one of us will sit down with them and discuss how the issue will be corrected. Quite often, the onus has been on them to find a solution which we agree will work (or is worth trying).
At an early age, we allowed (and wanted) them to make choices. From the time they were 2 or younger, they have all picked the clothes they wear for the day. Did each go through a period where they were less that coordinated? Yes. But, the few moments of embarassment we might have endured for their sake has paid off.
Secondly, we expect (again, not insist or demand) that they will be obedient. There is room for them to discuss with us and decide what it is that they are going to do or not do. But once the decision has been made, I fully expect that whatever has been decided, will be carried out. Barring extraordinary circumstances (which do occur), I would be shocked if they didn’t.
Emma is 5 and we are already discussing (as one person to another) things with her. At her age, we are more interested in providing her the opportunity to see the situation from a third person perspective. As she grows and matures, the discussions will become like the ones we currently have with the older kids. But what enables us to have those conversations is the belief that she is capable of being, wants to be and will be responsible and obedient.
BUT are you saying (I don’t think you are, but am interested in clarification) that you *never* discipline your children for disobedience, that you always give them mercy? – Gem
One of the things I’ve been trying to accomplish has been the disassociation of the word discipline with things that are essentially punishment. To discipline is to train or teach. And yes, at the rare times when they were consciously being disobedient, you can count on the fact that there was discipline involved. But, it would be an instruction sort of discipline. I would be dishonest if I told you that I had never punished my kids. But I don’t consider punishment to be discipline.
In the story I related where Emma said “I promise”, she was not being disobedient to us. We had never told her not to do that. But when I did tell her and explain what she was doing, she did stop. That’s an example where discipline was carried out while being very conscious to gentle, merciful, patience, etc.
Do I occasionally take away privileges (eg. the internet)? Yes, I do. But only in situations where they are not being responsible with whatever is being taken away. When we can get things straightened around so that I’m comfortable that you are going to be responsible with it, you can have it back. But, I don’t consider that punishment. It’s important that they learn that freedom and responsibility are intertwined.
Pure & Simple – Part I
April 10, 2006 By
Given the way I feel tonight (and I’ve felt all day), I know I won’t get through the entire subject tonight. It occurred to me today, that I ought to pick up on the last post and further clarify the issue between mercy and judgement. In the previous posts on this subject I have been free to interchange the word punishment and judgement. I would call the Ezzo/TTUAC parenting method a judgement based method. I have consciously interchanged the words because the two acts are inextricably linked. You cannot punish someone, unless you have judged them and found them to have failed to meet up with some standard or measure (eg. a law).
Now, in the last post I wrote/quoted that from a Christian perspective mercy triumphs over judgement. This means first of all that it is the Christian belief that mercy is stronger or more powerful than judgement. The second thing this implies is that the two are not compatible. If they were in some way compatible, then they would triumph together. They are exclusive to one another. That only one or the other can be directed toward a single object. As it relates to someone having failed to meet a standard, to have mercy toward that person is to forgive them. Forgiveness is a common thread through Christian doctrine.
When it comes to someone having not met the standard (i.e. what Christians call sin), the single choice that must be made first, by an offended party, is whether to judge or to forgive. If a sin is forgiven, then there is no punishment. If a sin is punished, since a form of recompense has already been administered, forgiveness from the administering party is no longer possible (except if/when the punishment is later repented).
In the Old Testament, Israel was instructed to forgive 7 times. The disciple Peter asked Jesus for clarification of that. Jesus replied that he was to forgive 7 time 70 (490) times. Jesus was not telling generations of Christians that they needed to carry around a little note book where they tallied people’s offenses against them. What He was telling Peter was that if he was counting, he was not forgiving. To look for the day or time when you might justly dole out the appropriate recompense for offenses is not forgiveness. Whether the offending party is an adult or child makes no difference because that state of mind (perspective/world view) is yours and not that of the offending party.
While thinking through this subject, there were a couple of things which occurred between Emma and I over the last 6 months or so. The first was a month or so before her fifth birthday. One day, she wanted a treat of some kind and told Andrea that I had said the night before that she could have it. At an opportune time where she could ask in private, Andrea asked me if I had told her that. I hadn’t. I told Andrea to not worry about it and not say anything to her about it. That night it was Andrea’s turn at putting her to bed (reading stories, etc.) Emma had already given me my good night hug and kiss and gone off to her room with mom. She was only there a few minutes and she needed me. When I entered the room, she burst into tears and said, “Daddy, I made a lie.” And through those tears proceeded to tell me what I already knew.
If I were to follow the advice of many, I would have punished her, ‘to teach her that lying is bad/sin’. If what I have described has not already compelled you to see that she already know’s that, I don’t know how to explain to you that children already know that. What I did, instead, was hold her and allow her time to say everything she needed to say. Then, I whispered in her ear, “I forgive you.” This was followed by a few sobs of relief and then she was ready to resume her bedtime routine.
Over the last 3 or 4 months, Emma had taken to saying, “I promise.” and then not keeping it. Until a few weeks ago, the only parental thing I did toward that was remind her that she had promised. What I did a few weeks ago was explain to her that when she said, “I promise.”, she was telling someone that she was going to do something. I further explained that I understood that the reason she was saying it was to get something or around something. (Bear in mind this is not an adult, lecturing a child but a 2-way conversation between us.) Then I told her that I did not want her to say, “I promise” unless she was going to do what she promised. (I want to be clear her that I did not in any way hint or suggest that there was some sort of consequences if she didn’t do what I said. Instead, I told her what I expected of her.) To the best of my knowledge, she has not ‘promised’ since. She definitely hasn’t to me.
I have to be honest and say that what I am describing to you was learned through trial and error. Through all the parenting I’ve come to realize that the Christian parent’s primary duty is to model the character of Christ who said:
Thy sins be forgiven thee.
Go, and sin no more. And
Forgive them, for they know not what they do.
And who among us, moreso that children, know not what they do? I’m not saying that they don’t realize that they are doing something wrong (eg. lying). What I am saying is that children do not understand the implications of what they are doing (it is not as though the soldiers who were crucifying Jesus did not know they were crucifying someone).
As a father, there is only one way for me to teach my children that when they say, “Father,…forgive me my transgressions?” to believe that those transgressions will be forgiven. And that is to forgive them before they learn how to say forgive me, forgive them to the degree and consistency that cultivates a relationship where such a request is welcomed. Secondly, I must model a character that seeks forgiveness from my children. This 2 sided approach is the only way that a child can learn what it is to be both an offended party and an offending party. I can punish until I am blue in the face and my children will not learn nor know forgiveness.
Mixed Notes
April 9, 2006 By
I wanted to extend thanks to a few groups of people:
- To those who responded to my request for a favour. I really enjoyes reading the posts. I’ve been in a bit of a comment slump lately (partially because I spend some weeks playing catch up). The carnival is going to be this week, so there is still a few days left to write a post
- To those who have posted announcements of homeschool journal in their own blogs. I’ve seen several of those. We also appreciate the compliments that many of you have paid us.
- To those who have left comments on the discussion I’ve been holding regarding Christian child rearing. For a number of reasons, it is a difficult subject for me to address. Thanks for the encouragement I have another installment coming this week. Tonight I decided to catch up on my reading, so that tomorrow night I could put an hour or so into that post.
- To all of the bloggers who worked with us through a number of issues. They have been very patient with the site and there are a few things that we are still working on (which I’m going to talk about below).
This weekend, I spent a few hours working on some minor issues at homeschool journal. Specifically, I wrote a recent posts plugin for WordPress MU, got a funky sidebar editor working (details), and wrote a routine which will tell Andrea which themes are in use on the site. Eventually, I’ll write a page for the admin panel for it. It’s our plan to switch all themes to incorporate the sidebar editor/theme options panel into all the themes on homeschool journal. Once we are through that, the site should be stabilized. Before any new themes/features are added they be compatible with those features or will have that functionality added.
Reading, writing, spelling – all intertwined
April 6, 2006 By
In carefully observing our youngest child, Emma (5), Ron and I have noticed how seemingly simple things and processes we have taken for granted are intertwined and often inter-related to the point of being dependant on one another. In other words, sometimes Emma figures out one thing that leads to an avalance in other areas.
I had previously noted that Emma can now read. She’s not a fluent independant reader, but it’s getting there. She has figured out, without formal instruction, that those squiggly lines on the paper represent a word that we SAY. When we want to say something with words on paper we write down the SOUNDS we would hear. Every letter or group of letters have a special sound – sometimes more than one. She has also noted that some words don’t follow the rules and we must learn to recognize them as a whole.
She find this incredibly interesting. So do I, especially considering this is exactly how I remember learning how to read.
She lives in an environment where it is okay to question practically anything. She knows we are here to either give her an answer or help her find an answer. To that end, sometimes we have conversation like this:
Emma – “What’s that word?”
Me – says nothing, pauses and waits
Emma – “Oh, that says ‘new’!”
She thinks about it for a moment. “I read a new word! Get it, ‘new’? HA!”
The past few days she has been drawing a lot, making leaps in that area as well, filling pictures with incredible detail. Now that she has grasped the concept of words as part of expressing her thoughts, she continually asks how to spell the word she wants to use. Almost all of the time, she has figured out the beginning sound and written down the first letter. When she is in a hurry, she figures out what she can, and writes down the sounds she hears, fully aware she is skipping some letters, but confident we will know what she means.
Today’s series of pictures were seascapes with whales, fish, the waterline and the sun shining overhead. The words she put on herself were: Mon, Noo, Doe and WL. Translated, they are Marlin, Nemo, Dory and whale. On another picture, she asked me how to spell Finding Nemo and copied it down at the top of the page. Then she decided it needed the phrase “DVD” in the front, which she knew.
Yesterday’s picture was more more involved and imaginative. She had drawn a complicated map, with pathways, X’s and drawings of furniture. The letter M and P were at the top and she asked what letter went in the middle. I was to follow it to find her in the living room, but I kept putting it off. Eventually, she started to add more words and asked me how to spell each one as I worked. The words were please, computer, then, not, the.
When I finally read her map, it said:
“PAM (map) to Mome Fo (from) Emma then go to emma please no (a picture of me on the computer in a circle with a line through it) not on the computer I <3 (a picture of a heart) you”
So I stopped working. The message was loud and clear. She was very proud the words she wrote were understandable by all. We then drew more pictures, wrote more words, and read more stories.
Brief Note
April 5, 2006 By
Just wanted to let you know, I’ll be away from the ‘net again until Friday night or Saturday morning.
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