Understanding children

A few days, I told you about our upcoming adjustments. In a way, I had to tell you that news before I wrote this. And, to further introduce this post, if the title were separated from the post, the word understanding could be either a verb or an adjective. If it’s a verb, the title might suggest I’m setting out to offer insight into the nature of children. If it’s an adjective, I’m stating a quality or characteristic of children.

Occasionally, after the job interview was scheduled, and more frequently after I’d had the job interview, Andrea and I had many conversations trying to sort out some of the issues (perhaps plan ahead). And the older kids ask questions as well. Once I had the offer on Friday, the discussions became more concrete. On Monday night, Emma asked, ‘When we moved, would that be an event?’. Andrea asked her to explain,

Emma: Some of us will live in this house and some of us will live in another house.
Andrea: Really? Who’s going to live where?
Emma: Addison is going to live here. Emma & Sarah & Meaghan & Mommy & Daddy are going to live in our new house. And we are going to come back and visit Addison…

She went on to describe in a significant amount of detail the current plan insofar as it had been planned out. And then,

Andrea: How do you know all that?
Emma: I just listened.

You might think that while sitting beside Andrea and listening to this, I was stunned, surprised or amazed. Really, what I was thinking was how much our society, in general, underrates its children. I was a bit surprised because we hadn’t talked to her about any of it yet. And I hadn’t noticed that she was around very often when we were talking about it.

Emma is special to us, of course, as she ought to be. But, we do not believe that she is significantly more intelligent than most children her age. This sort of conversation is not unusual for her. I have 2 or 3 conversations a week with her like that one. Sometimes she talks about planets and outerspace, other times about human biology. In the last week or so, she has been trying to sort out a meaning for the word event. The question she asked before the move one was, “When I was born, was that an event?”

In addition to children’s programming, Emma enjoys watching home renovation shows and shows which show the process of making things (like ‘How’s that made?’ and ‘Unwrapped’). Almost on a daily basis she wants to look at, be read to and discuss adult books on history, biology, nature, picture this books (pictures made from small objects), and exploded diagrams.

With the background of the many conversations I’ve had with her, the conversation I described above prompted me to remember something from my own childhood that has nagged away in the background while always managing to elude me. The readers we had at school intended to teach us to read were boring. And if it weren’t for teaching my own children, I would never have figured out why.

School readers are written within the confines of a vocabulary that children are expected to be able to learn and read and write on a test. And my 5 year old’s conversational vocabulary far exceeds anything I would expect any 5 year old to be able to recognize and remember in print. Nor would I expect that all children have a vocabulary which includes uterus, crankshaft, pendulum, archeology or many other words which have occupied the interests of my children at age 5.

I took a break in writing this to read Emma her bedtime stories for the night. I realized that in my head this was turning into a rant. I didn’t want to do that tonight.

The socialization question

Carolyn has done yet another fine piece of writing regarding the question every homeschooler gets asked. Here’s a sample:

“How will your child learn to deal with bullies?”

A homeschooled child learns to see bullying for exactly what it is: unacceptable behavior. Homeschooled students do not grow up in the constant shadow of bullies, and do not become accustomed to kowtowing to them.

Guerrilla Learning

When I was working and coming home for lunch, Andrea and I normally reserved meal times for conversation whether it was with her or among the whole family. Alot of the time we would catch up on how our morning or afternoon had gone. Since I’ve been home alot more, Andrea has been reading at lunch. Often when she’s reading something and finds something she thinks I’ll like, she reads it out loud. If I’m reading, I do the same. I think we both enjoy reading aloud and being read to. There is also having the comfort of having someone to share a good thought with.Over the weekend she read 2 things to me at one meal. The first one was:

People learn to write well not by studying grammar, sentence structure, and spelling but by reading good writing and trying to imitate it. Reading and writing are inextricably linked…

There are few things that come along that feel better than having someone who is considered an expert say something you have been telling people for years. Oddly, this fits so well with a quote from Finding Forrester:

Why is it the words we write for ourselves are always so much better that those we write for others?

I think at least a partial answer to that is in the fact that often when we write for others, our first concern is with grammar, sentence structure and spelling. When we write for ourselves, we have something we want to express. And, the technicalities of writing take a back seat to what we need/want to say.

For many, blogging offers the opportunity through both reading and writing to discover the knack of writing well. It will only take a few months of reading to discover the type of writing one likes to read. From there, when writing in ones own blog, the tendency to frame things the way one likes to read them will naturally develop. Formality and structure are secondary.

The second thing Andrea read was:

Teach your children to listen carefully and to speak thoughtfully. The best way to teach this is to listen carefully and speak thoughtfully to your children, from the time they are babies. It’s never too late to begin this practice. (emphasis mine) … Above all, listen, listen, and listen to your kids. (emphasis autor)

When I did the home ed workshop last year, listening to and responding to your children was one of the primary messages I wanted to convey to the audience. In an effort to summarize that workshop, I may have reduced the significance of that point. I did not leave it out entirely, though.

The fifth chapter is called ‘Demonstration’. Its statement was, ‘Those who are seeking to train people must be prepared to have them follow.’ Has anyone ever told you they couldn’t homeschool because their children won’t listen to them? Even though I really had no idea what impact it would have on my children, I can remember back in the days when the older three were going to turn 6, 3, 1. Every day, when I got home from work, there they would be just inside the door, all talking to me at once (including the noises of someone who crawled there), and telling me what was important to them in their day. At 17, 14, 12 and 4 they still ‘check in’.

When I elaborated on this point in the workshop, I asked how would you expect children to listen if you don’t listen to them. Children who are listened to and taken seriously, will listen and take you seriously. The only leadership skill worth having is setting an example. It is the only form of leadership which exists in our absence.

While this was sitting on draft, Carlotta wrote (in part)

I respect the choices of my child because he is a human being. What quality about him means that he should only be viewed as something that only lives fully in the future? I do not believe that there is any vastly different quality in children that distinguishes them from adults…

and Clare wrote (in part)

I have only had 2.5years experience of being a mother, but I can say most definitely that respecting my child’s choices and needs is easy, enjoyable, relatively unstressful etc. etc. It makes for a toddler who respects other people and who don’t have tantrums here there and everywhere.

What more needs to be said?

Carnival of Homeschooling

This week, the carnival is hosted by PalmTree Pundit.

We are featured in the keiki (That’s “children” for you tourists. ;) ) section. Anyway, jump on over and take a look. There’s lots to read :)

Unschooling Hypothesis

As a preamble to explaining the title of this post, I feel obligated to describe the history of the hypothesis I am going to pose here. A couple weeks ago, I wrote the following:

What I believe is the main philosophy of unschooling is to refrain from teaching a child that it needs to be taught. In the last 5 years, my youngest has learned to feed herself, to walk, to talk, to compose sentences, to communicate complex ideas, to draw, to paint and many other skills. She has a substantial understanding of the world in which she lives and of the functioning of the human body. For many of the things I have listed, she learned them because she saw us doing them and knew that they could be done. For the remainder, our role in her learning has been to provide her with access to resources, to answer her questions and to respond to her needs and wants such as reading to her.

When I wrote that, I sent my mind off brewing an idea for an experiment, however unlikely to be tried, that would demonstrate that the philosophy I described above is valid. While you are reading this, I’d ask you to remember that scientists embarking on an experiment set parameters for the experiment and do their best to observe the parameters. Otherwise, the experiment does not produce useful results. The reason I wanted to point this out is that as you read the parameters you may feel that some of the parameters would be difficult to keep. Those difficulties are one of the reasons this has sat on the back burner for a couple weeks.

Let’s suppose that we could build or create a community which was consistent with a typical community in our society in as many ways as possible except two. The first difference I would like to introduce in this community is that it did not contain a school, college or university. The second difference is that the community would be populated with adults who understood and agreed to the parameters of the experiment, and by young children who did not have a concrete sense of what school was.

  1. The adults would not discuss even among themselves any aspect of their own schooling.
  2. The community would have a community center which included a composite library of the types of materials that would be found in a public library, public school library and a university library.
  3. Children’s television programming would not be school centric as the majority of it is now.
  4. The community would have hi-speed internet access consistent with the typical community in our society.
  5. Children would be permitted or perhaps expected to observe adults carrying out their professions.
  6. Children’s questions on any subject would be taken and responded to seriously.
  7. In general, children would be respected as young people instead of treated as infants, toddlers, preschoolers, elementary kids, tweenies, teenagers, and adolescents.

The hypothesis I would like to put forward is that children in this community would grow up to to take up many of the professions held by the adults in the community without school. The basis of the premise is described in the paragraph I quoted from 2 weeks ago. If the concept of having to be taught was never introduced to children, wouldn’t they continue to assume that they could do or learn to do the things that big people did. If the doctors in the community never told the children about medical school, wouldn’t the children assume that the doctors had learned medicine on their own. And if, from the children’s perspective, the doctors learned medicine on their own, why wouldn’t a child interested in the field believe that they could as well?

You see, the inescapeable logic in our technological society is that the technology itself is in the end a result self-directed learning and not a result of curriculum based teaching. Consider the telephone, electricity, the internal combustion engine, solar power, and the integrated circuit. All of these things were pursued by self-directed people who had no one to teach them how to invent what they pursued out of personal interest. And from my perspective, until the proponents of compulsary schooling are willing to give this experiment a go, there is no evidence that schooling is necessary or even desireable.

Late showing

Because I was away over the weekend and am still trying to catch up, I’m posting a late link to this week’s Canival of Homeschooling. we are featured in the PHILOSOPHY section.

Team Challenges – a review

I must confess first off, when I was contacted to review Team Challenges by Kris Bordessa, I was a little sceptical. I wasn’t quite sure it would be a good fit for a homeschooling family, especially one leaning towards unschooling. I expected a bunch of recycled indeas and the usal teacher/student instructions.

Boy, was I surprised.

First, when I got my hands on the book, I noted how professionally made it was. It’s about eight by ten, with a nice glossy cover and at least a half-inch thick. Even though it has regular binding on it, it still manages to lay flat, which is a good thing for a fun book like this.

In the first chapter, Kris talks about creativity, cooperation and communication. I consider myself and our family highly creative people. There were enough good points, that had I underlined all the ones I liked, the page would be half-covered.

Some might be tempted to thumb through the book and start in the middle. I would really suggest reading the first few chapters, as they have quite a gold-mine of tips within. Not only is this book good for people who work with groups of children (it made me actually wish I was back helping Brownies!) I can see how it would help *any* family group learn how to work together and have fun. Like the next step up from Family Game Night. I immediately thought of at least two families that I know who would enjoy this book.

We have done an activity similar to these before, and Ron has done something similar in one of his classes. Using straws, toothpicks, tape, paper and strawberry gummi candies, he had his students build either a structure to hold a book or a bridge.

Kris has a chapter on activities that are more improvisational or drama oriented, which personally appealed to me. There’s also a long list of answers that participants have to think of the questions for. I tried some on my children.

“The answer is ice cream.” I said. I got a blank stare from Addison, until he finally said “I’m eighteen. I’m exempt.” I looked at Meaghan and she said, ‘What’s for breakfast?” with a grin. Fair enough.

So you can see from the above, it is not just book with one kind of activity inside, repeated a hundred different ways. There is quite a wide variety to appeal to all kinds of learning styles. I can also see how things like vague, open-ended activities and/or a small time frame could turn off some participants. As with everything else, you could adjust that to your needs.

If you stop by Kris’s blog, you can request a FREE copy of her e-book, Ten Minute Tasks. It’ll give you a great idea of what her book is about. And I know my readers like free stuff.

(cross-posted to both blogs)

Carnival of Unschooling #2

Just like dawn rising, snow melting and spring flowers easing their way into the sunshine, many long-term homeschoolers find themselves in a full-blown summer of unschooling, not quite sure how they got there.

But first, for the new readers, WFR at EveryWakingHour will try to answer What is unschooling? A good place to start for a big question, one with many answers.

So that may leave you wondering just what do unschoolers do all day? Play video games? Well, some do. It’s a part of the whole. Everything my son learned about Carthaginians is the fault of Age of Empires.

Perhaps we can stop by Samantha’s and we’ll temporarily interrupt her reading while she highlights some of the learning that goes on. And naturally, one unschooling household learns different things in different ways from another unschooling household. Allison shows us how everyday objects and occurances are chock-full of crunchy learning goodness and all about the word play. And legos. Who doesn’t love legos?

Updated: I missed this link this morning, but oh what a goodie it is! Amelia Earhart / Doc / Butch does a complete breakdown of the practicalities of creating a house, nay, your family, your life, that sets a stage where learning just can’t NOT happen. Even better, it’s part 1 of a series. Thanks, Doc.

Oh, I can hear you now wonder aloud. “But what about basic things like math?” Running2ks has agreed to field this question and shows quite precisely how something seemingly big scary and intangible (for some) like math really is all around us every day.

And there are families for whom unschooling is a season, something that drifts in and out of their routines. Melissa has explained it beautifully, this tidal homeschooling of hers.

Many wonder how something seemingly undisciplined can coexist with a Christian life. Spunky shares her lessons learned while unschooling : four undeniable truths.

After getting past the basics of unschooling, we are often asked deeper and more thought-provoking questions about freedom, choice and responsibility. Daniel talks about subtle differences in the choices we give our children. And in another entry here on site, Ron does a brilliant job of breaking down exactly what any child “needs” to know.

Unfortunately, even unschoolers have to put up with the standard question lobbed at any kind of homeschooler: (say it with me now) “But what about socialization?” Joanne goes further than the pat answers we all give and explains that here too, we give our children choice and freedom.

Thank you for joining us this month! I hope you came away with something thought-provoking, a better understanding of the process of unschooling and possibly some new reads. Tune in next month on the second Thursday, February 9th, for the third round. We are open for submissions until then. Please email the URL of your submission to submissions@atypicalhomeschool.net so they don’t get accidentally missed.

Note: The Carnival of Unschooling has move to Unschooling Voices.

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Links cleaned up from draft

In trying to prepare to start the year off right, here’s some links we had aquired and left on draft.

KinderArt – Art Lessons – Art Education: The largest collection of free art lessons and art education information on the Internet. (suposedly – I didn’t check.) Over 800 free art and craft lessons, activities and plans for K-12; Art for kids and Crafts for kids; KinderArt is located in St. Andrews by the Sea New Brunswick (Saint Andrews). And St.Andrews is an awesome place to visit in summer.

Edheads – Activities – for older children who can read fluently.

BBC – History – Games an awesome colection of online games and activities for different periods of history. Also for older children who can read fluently, or at least understand the deeper concepts. (In other words, it was a little over Emma’s head.)

I think I got most of these from Here in the Bonny Glen.

We also came across an excellent article called Not Homeschooling? What’s Your Excuse?.

Learn in freedom.