Amen!

One of the things that I think causes such confusion and miscommunication is when people read “discipline” and think “punishment.” Or read “discipline” and think “spanking.” Or really, switch out words like these without thinking through the implications. . .

A round of Yes’s to everyone else.

How much more effective we parents might be if the word “discipline” were better intertwined with the word “disciple.”

We had an instance like that at our house over the computer. The kids were constantly fighting with each other over whose turn it was to be on the computer, yelling if a sibling asked them a question and interrupted their game, stuff like that. Kevin and I talked to them and explained that people are to be loved and respected more than things and that when they treated each other in this way they were showing more love and respect for the computer than for their brothers and sister. All computer privileges were taken away until they were able to play together and relate to each other in a loving, respectful manner. They were then given their computer privileges back and so far so good. I expect things may get difficult again, but I know now that this approach works and won’t hesitate to use it.

I agree that the word “discipline” has become intertwined with punishment. We have tried to get away from the idea of punishment as much as possible, though we don’t alway succeed. We have learned so much in the 9 years since we became parents and in some ways I wish there was a “do over” button.

This is the heart of the issue for us. You train a dog or cat or horse, etc. Children are not pets to be trained. To attempt to do so is to belittle the intellect of your own child.

while some might say that I ‘grounded’ her as a ‘punishment’, that is not the whole truth. The consequences were directly related to the issue I was trying to teach her — responsibility and thoughtfulness of others. It was a learning discipline.

I have difficulty with parents who talk about certain things as privileges that their children have which can then be taken away as punishment for things. There is no clear link between the ‘punishment’ and the ‘crime’. Taking away access to the internet until someone learns to use the internet responsibly is a different thing from taking away access to the internet as a punishment for doing something else you didn’t want them to do (or not doing something you did want them to do).

Exactly, Ruth.